King of Babylon, Chapter 2

King of Babylon

Dark Sploosh

Chapter 2: Smokeless Fire

It was a very strange situation. I was walking back to my dorm, side by side with this man I just met a few minutes ago. This man who called himself Jinn, and me his master. This man who glowed as if there was a weak flame within his chest.

This man was not a man. Not a human, anyway. It was obvious. And somehow, I could accept that. Even if not for the glowing body, I may have believed it anyway. Something in me just knew it, as if it was an instinct as natural as breathing and eating.

But I didn’t know what he was. Only that he had saved my life, or so he claimed.

“You didn’t actually save my life, you know.”

What a weird way to start a conversation. This strange man-who-was-not-a-man was walking silently with me, a content grin on his face, as if nothing needed to be said. I had hoped he would explain himself, but it looked like it was up to me to get things going.

“Oh?” he asked, his grin not abating despite the puzzled tone of his voice.

“They just wanted my money, and besides, they were running away. I wasn’t in any danger at that point.”

The man-who-was-not-a-man nodded. “Very well. Didn’t save you. Still got money back.”

That was true, but it wasn’t the same thing at all. I felt the wallet in my back pocket, thinking about the events in the alley. After Jinn introduced himself, I wasn’t exactly sure what to do next. I must have still been in shock. Still with that smile on his face, Jinn walked towards the crash site, disappearing around the corner. A few seconds later he returned, holding my money in his hand. I took it from him, wondering how he had gotten the cash without being noticed, but saying nothing about it.

But as I started heading back to the dorm, he followed me, and I let him, because of that instinct that was telling me that he was no danger to me. A sense like that was something I never would have believed in until now. Feeling it so powerfully was enough to erase any doubts I could have had.

“You said your name’s Jinn, right?” I asked.

“Eh, not really. Jinn’s not real name, but call me that. Better that way, I think.” The way he spoke was strange. He was leaving out words, but still speaking quickly. It was as if he was removing any unnecessary parts of his sentences, leaving behind just enough to be understood.

“Okay, so what are you then, Jinn?”

He shot me a confused look for a moment, as if something was wrong. “You don’t know?”

I shook my head. “Why would I?”

Jinn’s eyes widened for a moment. “Ah, I see. Not important now. Anyway, I’m what’s called a djinn.”

Djinn. I had heard of that before, but it was eluding me. I knew it was some kind of mythical creature, but I couldn’t remember anything about it at all.

“A djinn named Jinn, huh? Original.”

“Not real name,” he reminded me. “Anyway, glad you believe me.”

“Considering the circumstances, I’d be an idiot not to. Just looking I can tell you’re not human, you obviously caused that truck to come out of nowhere and kill those guys, and besides, I just have this feeling that’s letting me accept it all.”

I didn’t want to add that it was also because it was too exciting to not accept, but I didn’t want to seem too ecstatic. Jinn, on the other hand, continued to grin as if it was the best day of his life.

“Feeling, huh? Guess that part about humans true after all.”

We reached the door to my dorm, but I wasn’t even close to going inside yet. I still had a bunch of question for this so-called djinn. As I turned to him, I noticed for the first time that his ear lobes were pointed. Tiny detail, but it was just another slight difference between his species and mine.

His species and mine. What a concept.

“So, Jinn, you’re walking proof that humans aren’t the only intelligent life on this planet. Care to explain that one to me?”

His face was saying he wanted to do nothing more.

“Only the two species, humans and djinni.”

Djinni. The way he pronounced it reminded me exactly what a djinn was.

“Wait a second,” I said, realizing even before I spoke that I was absolutely right. “Djinni and genies are the same thing, aren’t they?”

Jinn’s eyes widened again. “Genies? Interesting. Remember reading about this. Think genies are misconception. Uh, inaccurate idea of djinni. See what I’m saying?”

“Probably. It’s an English spelling, and besides, I don’t see a lamp anywhere.”

“Oh, lamp’s involved after all? Amazing.” He sounded as if every time I spoke he learned something new and revolutionary. I felt that should have been my reaction to everything he told me.

“Yeah,” I said. “Genies are magic beings that live in oil lamps. When a human rubs the lamp, the genie emerges and grants that human three wishes. There’s a bunch of variations on it, but that’s the basic idea. You’re telling me none of that’s true?”

He shook his head, chuckling. “Nah. Lamp part, anyway. Rest has some truth to it.”

That was the first thing he said that raised a real spark of interest in me.

“So you do grant wishes, then?” He had no need to even respond to that. Those two muggers got hit by that truck because of him, and it was because I had wished for their deaths. It was the only thing that made sense.

“Suppose you want to know more about wishes, then?” Jinn asked. He sounded like he was dying to explain.

“I do, believe me, but I need to know one thing first, Jinn.” I didn’t want to stand outside any longer, and there was no way I was going to just up and leave this behind now. But a part of me was just a bit wary of bringing this guy inside.

“What’s that?”

“Earlier, you called me master. Since I don’t know the exact differences between djinni and genies, what does that mean?”

Jinn did it again, the same gesture made in the alley. He placed his hand onto his chest and bowed, and having such a gesture directed at me was almost embarrassing.

“Means what it sounds like. Be with you till day one of us dies.”

There was that feeling again. That feeling that this creature, this djinn, was my ally, a feeling that was so strong that it was impossible to doubt.

I placed my key in the lock and opened the door. “Let’s go inside, Jinn.”

Smiling, he followed me in and we headed for the second floor. There was no one in the hall, which was good, because I didn’t want to explain a glowing man to anyone who saw him. Quickly I unlocked my room and entered, relieved that my roommate was still absent, but when I turned to look back at Jinn, I was surprised.

His skin was not glowing any longer. Now it was dark, a black that was as if his body was sculpted from coal. I could also see his eyes properly for the first time. The pupils were black like a human’s, but what should have been white was a smoky color, and his irises were two ambers.

“Where did your glow go?” I asked him, as he closed the door behind himself.

“Ah, djinni’s inner flame visible only in dark. Under light we’re like this. At least my race of djinni are.”

Inner flame? Race of djinni? One step at a time, please.

Jinn could see the confusion that was probably on my face. “Djinni creation myths say God made humans from earth, djinni from smokeless fire. Not everyone believes anymore, but there’s definitely flames inside us. That’s what’s seen in dark. Inner flame.”

“There’s no danger of anything around you catching on fire, is there?”

Jinn laughed. “No. Inner flame only released when djinni die. I’m safe.”

I decided to take his word for it as I continued to stare at him. Maybe it was we were inside now, but I realized just how big Jinn was. He had to be nearly seven feet tall, a foot taller than me. In proportion to that, his hands were large, like bear paws with longer, human like fingers. At least until the tips, because his fingernails were sharpened to points. What was more, they looked like they were made of bone or something.

This was not a being you wanted to mess with. A single swipe of his massive hand looked like it could claw someone open.

“Who’s this guy?”

I held back my groan, picturing the girl sitting on my bed behind me, bouncing her foot that way and giving me that snarky look. What was she doing here now, of all times?

“Oh,” Jinn said, staring past me, “who’s girl?”

Something inside me snapped, like a bridge collapsing under too much weight. I was sure I had heard him wrong.

“Excuse me?” I asked Jinn, my mouth hanging open.

He raised his hand and pointed to my bed with those sharpened fingernails.

“Girl on bed. Wife or something?”

“Wife?” the girl laughed, as if to mock me. “I’m sure Lachlan wishes that were true.”

“Shut up for a second ” I growled at her. Feeling the bridge crumble even more, I looked back at Jinn, realizing what I had just done.

“Oh, your name’s Lachlan?” he said with a smile. “Can’t believe I forgot to ask own human’s name! Forgot in all the surprise.”

There was no way. I was able to accept that this man was a djinni, a supernatural being that was able to grant wishes, and yet it was impossible that he could see the girl, the girl that I had dreamed up. And not just that, but he could hear her too?

“How,” I asked, looking back and forth between him and the girl, “how can you see her?”

Jinn raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I see her?”

“Because she’s–” I didn’t want to say she wasn’t real. It was something I was always aware of, of course, something I even discussed with her at times. But I didn’t want to admit it to him, to someone real. Despite the trust I felt towards Jinn that was coming from nowhere, I didn’t want him to think I was crazy.

“She’s what?” he asked again.

I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“I’m not real,” the girl said cheerfully. “Lachlan dreamed me up. I’m just a part of his imagination.”

Well, there you go. Jinn looked at the girl for a few moments, his face hard to read.

“Amazing.” He broke out into his biggest grin yet. It looked like it was almost stretching his face. “Lachlan, you really made girl up?”

“Uh...yeah. Yeah I did.”

His hand reached up and one of those bony, sharpened nails scratched his chin as he chuckled to himself. I didn’t get it. What was he so happy about?

“What’s the deal?” I asked him.

“Just that you have great imagination. Phenomenal, really. Maintaining her like this. Couldn’t have asked for better human.”

“You say that like I belong to you.”

Jinn shook his head. “Not at all. More to explain.”

He sat down on the futon in the middle of the room, kicking his shoes off. What I saw shocked me, but I kept quiet. His feet were huge, although that made sense considering his size. My first instinct might have been a fear of foot odor, but I wasn’t smelling anything foul.

What surprised me were his toenails. They were just like his fingernails, the opaque white of bone and sharped to deadly fine points. Forget his hands, a kick from this guy could probably slice your stomach open.

I didn’t even want to begin to imagine how much muscle Jinn was hiding under that white suit, but I had a feeling it would be enough to make every pro wrestler and body builder in the country shake a little. The thought was even intimidating me.

“Okay, try to make brief,” Jinn said, stretching his arms and legs. The sound of joints popping was loud, and sounded painful, despite the pleased looked on Jinn’s face. “Basically, djinni legends say all djinni have one human for them. One of greatest goals in a djinn’s life is find his human.”

I sat down on the edge of my bed. The girl scooted closer to me, but I ignored her, too focused on what Jinn was saying.

“One djinn for every human?” I scoffed. “I don’t get it. How come humans don’t know about this? Where are all the humans who have met up with their djinni?”

“That’s the thing. Most djinni never find human. Far as we know, I’m first in five-hundred years.”

Well, that certainly made more sense, but it didn’t explain a few other problems with the concept.

“So if there’s one djinn for every human, that would mean that Earth’s population would be nearly double what we think it is. How would we never notice the djinni? Where are over six billion djinni hiding?”

Jinn sucked in a deep breath, and I could tell what was coming next would be complicated.

“Simplest way to say it is there’s two worlds. Human world, and djinni world. Both on same planet, both occupy same space. But djinni and human worlds invisible to each other. Don’t affect each other, either. In djinni realm, djinni walk around and go about life just like humans here.”

I tried to picture it in my head, but it was a bit confusing.

“So then, are you saying this room we’re in exists in the djinni world as well?”

He shook his head. “This room never built in djinni realm. Whole building never built. Worlds are same only based on how Earth originally was. After that, everything is different because of different ways humans and djinni affect worlds.”

“I think I get what you’re saying. Humans built this dorm here in our world, but since the djinni never built anything on the other side, there could just be a field here in your world.”

“Exactly.” He seemed glad that I understood. “Same goes for everything else. Trees cut down in one world still grow in other, unless tree was never planted on other side in first place. Fields cleared for human purposes here have been altered in other ways by djinni in my world. Probably get the picture.”

“I do,” I said, trying to not pay attention as the girl tugged lightly at my hair.

Jinn grinned, looking like he was trying not to laugh. “Must be troubling, having strong imagination.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” I muttered, brushing the girl’s hands away. She grumbled something and fell silent. “Anyway, could you explain how you can see and hear this girl?”

“Yeah. See, djinni want to find humans because humans and djinni each have something other doesn’t. Legend says God made djinni physically greater than humans, but gave humans superior minds. As result, djinni aren’t as smart as humans. Particularly, our imagination’s pretty bad. So we look for humans, beings gifted with brains capable of dreaming up fantastic possibilities. To djinni, human imagination is powerful thing. Can sense it, see it, hear it. That’s why I see girl.”

“How interesting,” the girl piped up. “It’s nice to be noticed by someone other than Lachlan. Almost makes me feel real.”

“Don’t say things like that,” I told her.

She frowned at me. “Why not? You’re always getting on me for not existing, so why can’t I ever complain about it?”

“That’s different,” I explained, gritting my teeth. “Anyway, you’re my imagination, so do what I say.”

“I don’t feel like it.” She stuck her tongue out at me. I looked away, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. That was when I noticed Jinn had been watching patiently.

“Uh, I guess that must not have looked as crazy to you as it would have to a human, huh?”

Jinn nodded, chuckling. So why did I still feel embarrassed about it?

“Anyway, is that all?” I asked, trying to get back on subject.

“Almost. Those powerful imaginations are what djinni seek out. And when a djinn meets destined human, the human’s imagination and djinn’s magic combine, and miracles born.”

Miracles. I flashed back to the truck smashing into those two muggers, not even an hour ago. It wasn’t the kind of glamourous thing I would have normally called a miracle, but I supposed that summoning a speeding truck from nowhere in an instant would definitely be considered supernatural, at least.

“You’re talking about the wishes, aren’t you?” This was the part I was really eager to get to. I had to know just how much about the wish-granting powers of djinni were true. My heart was pounding almost painfully in my chest as Jinn just stared at me in silence, that grin on his face hiding the answers I needed.

“Yes. I am. Lachlan.”

I nodded, waiting for him to go on.

Instead, he stood up and stretched again, more joints cracking as he did. I heard a clicking noise coming from the floor. He was flexing his toes, those bony nails tapping against the tiled floor.

“Kind of hungry, master.”

I frowned at him. He certainly knew how to keep me on the edge of my seat.

“There’s some food in there,” I said, pointing to the fridge by the window. Jinn gave it a strange look as he walked over and opened it. With every step he took, a series of those strange clicks sent shivers down my spine.

After a few moments of searching around inside, he pulled out a box of fried chicken I had a few days ago. I had completely forgotten about it, so I nodded when he looked at me as if asking for permission.

At that, he plucked a single chicken leg out of the box and began to systemically strip off every single piece of meat. I almost asked what he was doing, but I decided it would be better to just watch. To be honest, I felt like I was being a little rude, but my curiosity was outweighing that.

That curiosity was soon satisfied. As soon as the last piece of meat was pulled from the leg, he stuck one end of the bare bone in his mouth, and with a loud cracking noise, bit it in half. I watched silently as he actually chewed the bone fragment in his mouth, each movement of his jaw giving way to a snapping sound. He swallowed with a loud gulp, and sighed in satisfaction.

“Good stuff,” he said. “Weird lookin’ leg, though.”

“It’s chicken,” I informed him.

“Ah, get it. That’s how chicken leg looks with meat still on.”

Humming, he popped the other half of the bone in his mouth and finished it off, putting the box back in the fridge and closing it.

“So, about the wishes,” I said as Jinn looked out my window. “What are the limits? Do I only get three? Are there things I’m not allowed to wish for?”

Jinn was silent for a moment, and the look on his face as she started into the darkness outside was suddenly serious.

“Glad you’re excited, Lachlan,” he said, “but I need favor first.”

“What kind of favor?” I asked him.

“Like I said, no djinn has found their human for five-hundred years. Don’t got all answers, Lachlan. What I know’s based on old djinni legends, legends humans apparently forgot. Also, meeting my human means I’ve fulfilled one of three great life purposes.”

That sounded interesting, as much as I really just wanted to learn about the wishes.

“Three great purposes?”

Nodding, Jinn turned away from the window. The way he stared at me seemed almost sad.

“Legends say God gave djinni and humans three great purposes. Goals that lead to absolute and fulfilled lives. One purpose is for human and djinni to find each other. This’s marked by feeling of trust and completeness. Also, some natural instinct as to nature of relationship.”

I though about that for a second. Was that the reason I was able to believe everything Jinn was telling me? The instinct that was telling me to trust him was because our meeting fulfilled a purpose to my life? Was Jinn feeling the same way, then? It would have explained his cheery mood up until now.

“What are the other two purposes?” I asked him.

Jinn frowned even more, his smoky eyes looking at the floor.

“Rather not talk about it.”

“What do you mean? Don’t you know?”

“I do. But other two purposes not fulfilled yet. Embarrassing, so don’t want to talk about it now. Maybe later.”

Fine by me. As long as I could learn about these wishes I’d be pretty content.

“So, Lachlan,” Jinn went on, looking back up at me, “my favor. Need to know, before anything else, what makes you imagine?”

I was drawing a blank on that one. I didn’t feel like I even really understood his question.

“You mean why can humans imagine things?” I asked.

“No. You specifically. What inspires you?”

That was a bit easier, but not much. It wasn’t something I had ever really thought about before.

No, that wasn’t true. When I really thought about it, it made perfect sense. I knew exactly where the source of all my imaginings and musings came from.

The girl suddenly wrapped her arms around my waist from behind.

“Here he goes,” she muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Jinn,” I said, ignoring the girl, “look up at the sky outside that window. You see all those lights out there?”

Jinn glanced up at the window and shrugged. “Stars.”

“Those lights are countless. All of them are individual stars, many of them with their own worlds circling them. But we know none of those worlds to have life on them. None of them to have anything of value. These lights are pretty, but otherwise insignificant to us. Of all the lights in the sky, only one is important. Only one matters.

“That one light hides from the others. It only appears when the other lights are gone. And that light shines brighter for us than all the others. That lights provides us with life. Well, Jinn, I’m like that light. I feel isolated from everyone else, all the other stars I see shining around me. I never feel comfortable around them, and I’m only able to shine when they disappear.

“But not anymore. With you I feel like I do something to change all of that, if I really do have the ability to make wishes come true. Little by little, wish by wish, my life is going to change. And everyone else is going to notice. Every single person on this planet will know.”

I felt a bit strange as I finished speaking, but Jinn just smiled at me. He wasn’t mocking me, or laughing. I could tell he was genuinely pleased.

“That’s what I wanted to here,” he said. “Don’t think you plan on doing all that from here, though?”

I smiled back at him. It seemed he really could tell what I was imagining.

“Yeah. Meeting you has flipped a switch in my brain. This simple life of mine, going to school, getting a degree, doing what everyone expects of me. I’ve been more or less fine with it up until now because I didn’t think there was anything better for me. Now I know there’s something far different, far better.”

My own words were exciting me. That I was speaking them was proof that what I had wanted for so long was now a possibility.

“So I’m leaving, tonight. I don’t think I’ll even let anyone know. We’re going on a little trip, and I’m never looking back at this place.”

“Sounds fun,” Jinn said. “When’re we leaving?”

I checked the clock. 11:30. Still enough time to pack before the midnight bus left.

I leapt up from my bed and started rummaging through my closet, grabbing my suitcase and tossing all the clothes and everything else I would need inside. The whole time I felt Jinn and the girl’s stares upon me, just watching me. I wondered if they impressed by my sudden decision.

Well, I knew the girl wasn’t. She was probably just glad we were finally leaving this place. This place full of all the people I didn’t get, and who didn’t get me. Free from my crappy, boring life, I was going to start something new and amazing. Something miraculous, that no human had experienced in five-hundred years.

I had never asked it aloud, but my greatest wish of all was already coming true.

Comments & reviews · 6
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Deifyance
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I don't agree with Kiss on this one....I believe that since this guy is to lonely and actually has a imaginary friend, that this is just another pleasant surprise to the kid. I think he handled it perfectly.

Haha, I agree with springrain on the part of Jinn eating the chicken bone. It made me laugh at the picture. I am really enjoying this, it's a fantastic read and the detail is spectacular. I have one concern, if you can call it that: it seems like Lachlan is accepting all of this a little too well. It's not so bad as to be annoying, but, if it was me in his position, I would be a little freaked out. Maybe I'm just being picky, but I would say a little more resistance would make it easier to relate to. I'm not sure, lol; maybe it'll all be revealed in time.
Other than that, this was fantastic!

User avatar
Juniper
Review
Juniper wrote a review · Fri May 22, 2009 8:50 pm

Hey Splooshie! June here!

:D I'm loving this story thus far. Really.

Let's see:

He shot me a confused look for a moment, as if something was wrong. “You don’t know?”


I know this is nitpicky and otherwise useless, but I don't feel as if the underlined part is giving us anything of interest. :P

“That’s what I wanted to here,” he said. “Don’t think you plan on doing all that from here, though?”


Here here should be hear, dear. ;)


- - -

You have wonderful characters here, Splooshie. I love Jinn's seemingly careless attitude. It's perfect; when Lachlan mentions feeling and it seems foreign to Jinn, it's almost as if you're telling us that Jinn doesn't have much complex feelings. Really wonderful. :)


I love Lachlan's attitude towards the girl, and the way she responds to him. It's kind of like, everytime Lachlan's focus is intent on Jinn, the girl fades from focus as well, but never completely disappears. Nice work on that. ;)


Also!

My first instinct might have been a fear of foot odor, but I wasn’t smelling anything foul.


And...


At that, he plucked a single chicken leg out of the box and began to systemically strip off every single piece of meat. I almost asked what he was doing, but I decided it would be better to just watch. To be honest, I felt like I was being a little rude, but my curiosity was outweighing that.

That curiosity was soon satisfied. As soon as the last piece of meat was pulled from the leg, he stuck one end of the bare bone in his mouth, and with a loud cracking noise, bit it in half. I watched silently as he actually chewed the bone fragment in his mouth, each movement of his jaw giving way to a snapping sound. He swallowed with a loud gulp, and sighed in satisfaction.

“Good stuff,” he said. “Weird lookin’ leg, though.”

“It’s chicken,” I informed him.

“Ah, get it. That’s how chicken leg looks with meat still on.”

Humming, he popped the other half of the bone in his mouth and finished it off, putting the box back in the fridge and closing it.


Those bits seriously just made my day. The humor there is subtle, but it's... incredible. Really wonderful, dear, this has to be one of my favorite stories on YWS. :P


Also! I can't help but point out your perfect accuracy. (Not sure how much sense this will make... but,) In some cultures such as Middle-Eastern ones, the beliefs that people have of Jinns is that they do eat bones and such.

I like how you included that. Even if that's not accurate or whatever, it's believed that creatures from other worlds don't eat much of the same stuff as humans. To speak, I like that this species was kept in-line with it's generalizations. One of the main reasons I don't usually read fantasy is that the characters tend to stray from their species and such (like in Twilight; I never knew vampires sparkled, and there was a insignificant lack of garlic in that book). But, anyway, I'm ranting. :P

Wonderful chapter, Splooshie. :) I hope you continue this!

~ June

Woohoo, next chapter! I think this one was also really well-written; you did a good job of revealing just enough information, without giving too much away and without infodumping on us. The plot is thickening and I’m interested to hear more!

I really liked how the character interactions played out in this chapter! The dynamic between Jinn and Lachlan is definitely interesting, and I’d like to see more of their interactions. I also think you do a really good job with the developments between the girl and Lachlan… she’s cute and funny and all, but what’s really fascinating is the way Lachlan reacts to her, and how he seems to be basically ashamed of her. It adds considerable depth and flaws to his character, as well as some ambiguity—what can we learn from the way someone treats a person who doesn’t even exist? If anything? It adds a whole other dimension to him that makes him 100% more interesting.

I also really liked Jinn’s dialogue—it’s just alien enough to distinguish him as somebody different. I think there were a couple times when you lapsed back into saying unnecessary words, though—“anyways,” for example.

The only other critique I have was this:

“Those lights are countless. All of them are individual stars, many of them with their own worlds circling them. But we know none of those worlds to have life on them. None of them to have anything of value. These lights are pretty, but otherwise insignificant to us. Of all the lights in the sky, only one is important. Only one matters.

“That one light hides from the others. It only appears when the other lights are gone. And that light shines brighter for us than all the others. That lights provides us with life. Well, Jinn, I’m like that light. I feel isolated from everyone else, all the other stars I see shining around me. I never feel comfortable around them, and I’m only able to shine when they disappear.

“But not anymore. With you I feel like I do something to change all of that, if I really do have the ability to make wishes come true. Little by little, wish by wish, my life is going to change. And everyone else is going to notice. Every single person on this planet will know.”


This whole speech is interesting and beautifully written, but it seems a little awkward—it’s kind of overly poetic and flowery, and I can’t really imagine anybody saying that sort of thing just off-the-cuff. Besides that, I feel like it didn’t really answer Jinn’s question at all. I recommend editing it a bit.

In any case, brilliant chapter, and I look forward to reading more. Sounds like this story’s going to be good.

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Tatra
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Tatra wrote a review · Sun May 03, 2009 4:56 pm

Another interesting chapter, I really love your characters. I loved how you explained a bit more about Jinn as well as mentioned the past myths about Djinns. I do like your version of the Djinn, he seems very original. :D Lachlan is still as tough and antisocial as ever and I do love that girl.

The man-who-was-not-a-man nodded. “Very well. Didn’t save you. Still got money back.”

I like the way your Jinn speaks, really does add to the foreign flavor. :D

“Feeling, huh? Guess that part [s]of[/s] about humans true after all.”

I think About works as a better word there, since he's talking as though he doesn't really know about humans. Or, at least he's not talking as though he thought that humans didn't have fingernails or something.

“Probably. It’s an English spelling, and besides, I don’t see a lamp anywhere.”

I just want to remind you that when speaking, one wouldn't find the difference between 'Genie' and 'Jinni.' So, I suppose the real question is whether or not the 'D' in front of "Djinni' is silent or not. Which, a check to a dictionary says that the D is silent. Just, throwing that out there.

His skin was not glowing any longer. Now it was dark, a black that was as if his body was sculpted from coal. I could also see his eyes properly for the first time. The pupils were black like a human’s, but what should have been white was a smoky color, and his irises two ambers.

I like this description. But, I do think that you could use an 'and' there, to separate the irises from the whites of the eyes.

My first instinct might have been a fear of foot odor, but I wasn’t smelling anything foul.

I liked this line, great bit of humor. :D

The girl suddenly wrapped her arms around [s]Lachlan’s[/s] my waist from behind.

“Here he goes,” she muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Jinn,” [s]Lachlan[/s] I said, ignoring the girl, “look up at the sky outside that window. You see all those lights out there?”

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is 1st person POV, is it not? Short slip into the 3rd Person.

A great ending to the chapter though. It concludes it, but it still leaves us hanging and wanting more.

So, over all, not a bad chapter. A few small things to fix up, and you might want to slightly tweak the 'djinni' 'genie' scene to make the differences between the two more clear. Or, if your research shows something different than uncertain knowledge, leave it as that. :D I think this story is going in an interesting direction and I can't wait to read more.

PM me when you get the next chapter up and I'll read and review it. :D

- Tatra



It's like being in love, discovering your best friend.
— Elizabeth Wein, Code Name Verity